Friends, Family and Back Again

I’m wearing an orange XOXO silly band.

It was a gift from a 9-year-old, and an appropriate reminder of the week that he and his 10-year-old brother filled my home with hugs, kisses and the kind of wondrous inquiry seen only in adolescents.

I also got a few hugs and kisses from their mother – an old friend I never get to see enough.

We could have missed it all. Because the woman is my ex-husband’s sister and the boys are her sons.

They’re not technically my nephews anymore, a coworker reminded me as I was chattering on about plans in advance of their visit. She’s right. But Miss Manners be darned. We’re not going to let a technicality get in the way of this aunt/nephew relationship.

As for the relationship between Liz (yes, her brother married a woman with the same name, but we’ll save that exploration for a future entry) and me, we wouldn’t have it any other way. We've loved each other since the moment we met 24 years ago – she the 18-year-old who just graduated from high school and me the 22-year-old infatuated with her only sibling.

Like any long friendship, we’ve had our shared experiences: bridesmaid service times two, family gatherings in joy and sadness, a couples Caribbean cruise.

So it was only natural that we’d pick up where we left off. We had sushi, got a mani-pedi, saw a play under the stars and sipped midnight champagne in my best glasses. We also shared kitchen duty and laughed until we cried, just as we do every time we get together.

I introduced her as my former sister-in law/the sister of my ex-husband/my son’s aunt/my good friend. And then we’d laugh.

I didn’t divorce her or her kids when I ended my marriage. But the way I see it, that doesn’t automatically keep my place in her life – or hers in mine. We got there through intellectual and emotional honesty, like you earn, and continue to earn, any friendship. We got there by enjoying each other’s company because we enjoy each other’s company, not because of family obligations.

I reaped my reward with her last week, and with my nephews, Louie, 10, and Dino, 9. And to think, I might never have gotten an XOXO silly band, tasted lemon custard ice cream or gotten misty-eyed at Ramona and Beezus.

I might never have seen loveable Dino stroking the velvet ears of my beloved dog, Annie, or heard precocious Louie point to the pill next to his cereal and volunteer, “This is a dietary supplement.”

We could have missed it all. I’m surely glad we didn’t.